


Low Five

by 0roro_Munr0e



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7742455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0roro_Munr0e/pseuds/0roro_Munr0e
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cloud has been acting distant lately, and Zack discovers why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Low Five

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Final Fantasy VII is the property of Square-Enix. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Mentions of death. Canon Divergence. Bad writing from the author.
> 
>  
> 
> Hey, guys! Thought I would jump the Clack Week bandwagon and post something (hopefully good) here! This is my first ever fanfic that I am publishing. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. I titled this after the Sneaker Pimps song, Low Five, because I’m not creative. I listened to it on repeat while I typed this up.

            “Huh? He’s not in there?”

 

             Zack peeked into the classroom door’s window and couldn’t find the familiar spiky blond hair. Usually on Tuesdays, Zack would sneak a glance in Cloud’s classroom before he headed to the gym to monitor the Seconds and Thirds. Cloud always managed to spot him and signaled Zack that he was okay.

 

            But today, Zack didn’t get a chance to see that cute smile and hand gesture.

 

             Frowning, the First folded his arms across his chest and pondered where he could be. He wasn’t aware of any missions his friend was assigned to for the week. Perhaps he was sick today and couldn’t make it to class? If that were the case, he should have messaged him or something. Zack wouldn’t have minded bringing some soup, or going to the convenience store to stock up on personal items.

 

             Shrugging his shoulders, he uncrossed his arms and walked to the gym. He can stop by Cloud’s apartment later. The blond made it clear that he didn’t want to draw attention by having Zack loiter around his place; but today could be an exception since he’s deviating from his usual schedule, right?

 

            Later in the evening, however, Cloud was nowhere to be seen.

 

            “What the hell?” Zack muttered as he knocked on the door for the umpteenth time, thinking Cloud took some medicine that knocked him out cold. Where were his roommates? It’s almost curfew, and not one person has answered the door.

 

            “Uh, s-sir?!” came a cautious voice from behind him.

 

            Zack whirled around to find another young man wearing Shinra’s infantryman uniform. His messy, short brown hair pointed in several different directions. If he grew it any longer, it could rival Cloud and Zack’s untamed manes. His wide blue eyes (that were nowhere near as bright as Cloud’s) held his gaze for a few moments before breaking away and looking down at his boots.

 

            Zack waited for the kid to say something, but he remained quiet while idly picking at a loose string on his pants. Sighing, the First broke the silence by saying, “What’s up?”

 

            Tensing his shoulders, the young man jerked his head up. “Oh! Sorry! I’m just surprised that a First is at my apartment door…”

 

            He perked up, “Ah! Then maybe you can tell me where Cloud is?”

 

            The brunet shrugged his shoulders, “Beats me. He wasn’t here when I woke up this morning.” How did a First know someone from the invisible infantry unit, let alone _Cloud_ of all people?

 

            “Huh…” Zack clucked his tongue and placed his hands on his hips. Staring at the door once again, he now became concerned about the blond’s whereabouts. “He hadn’t said anything to you?” his eyes glanced at him.

 

            “He rarely does. Cloud always keeps to himself.”

 

            _Not around me._ “Strange…” he said out loud, more to himself than the roommate.

 

            “I wish I could help you, sir, but I know nothing,” the young infantryman scratched the back of his head.

 

            “Alright,” Zack sighed again in defeat. “Thanks anyway.” He waved at the kid before walking down the hallway.

 

            “First Angeal and now Cloud…” the raven haired man whispered to himself.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

           

            After several messages and visits to Cloud’s apartment, Zack stressed about his friend’s current condition.

 

            It had been one week from Zack’s discovery of the blond’s absence and he still hadn’t heard anything from Cloud. No letter, no e-mail, _nothing._

 

            What in Gaia’s name was going on?

 

            Doing a few squats in the lounge area, he pouted and ended up sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. Mako-infused eyes gazed out the window, staring at the bleak green hue coming from the mako reactors. Did Cloud quit the SOLDIER program and go home? No way! It was his dream to enlist into SOLDIER and someday meet ‘The Great Sephiroth.’ Plus, the SOLDIER entrance exams were coming up in a few weeks. Cloud wasn’t the type to suddenly abandon everything.

 

            So _where_ was he?

 

            Zack let out a frustrated sound while grabbing his hair, and fell backwards until his head hit the floor. Staring up at the ceiling, he whispered, “Cloud, where are you, man? Please be okay.”

 

            This was kinda similar to what happened with Angeal. One moment, Zack was kicking ass in Wutai, glad that his mentor saw most of his awesome skills. The next minute, Angeal was _gone_. Zack encountered him a couple of times in Midgar and talked with him, trying to understand his reasoning for suddenly abandoning Shinra.

 

            Then things got… complicated.

 

            Degradation, Hollander, Genesis… all of this stuff was just plain _weird._

            Zack hoped to whatever higher power that Cloud wasn’t also involved in this mess.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

           

            Another two days have passed, and Zack finally received an e-mail from Cloud.

 

            _Just got your messages. Sorry. I had an emergency back at home and you know how there’s little to no reception in small towns._

 

            The SOLDIER wanted to scream as he stared at his phone. Hands practically shaking, he typed his immediate reply:

 

            _Cloud?! Are you okay? What happened? I was so worried about you! Why did you leave without telling me anything? :(_

_It’s… hard to explain…_

            Frowning at his phone, Zack chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. From the tone of the text, something serious had happened to Cloud.

 

            _Is everything alright?_

 

            He never received a response.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

           

            Cloud was acting oddly.

 

            Zack made several attempts to talk to him, first via e-mail, and later in person. Not satisfied by the pitiful replies, he continued bugging Cloud. While on his way to the gym one day, he saw the blond in the classroom, but once again his friend never made the effort in noticing him. His head was turned away from the door, either buried in one of the books, or facing the wall of the classroom. Zack almost banged on the door just to see if he reacted, but decided against it. There was no need to make things worse.

 

            For the fifth time in a row, he stopped by Cloud’s apartment and knocked on the door. The same brown-haired roommate answered the door. At this point, the kid was already used to Zack’s presence, so he chatted with the First as if he were not of a higher rank.

 

            “Hey, Zack.”

 

            “Hey, Jason, is Cloud in there?”

 

            Jason glanced behind him, then turned back around. “He’s asleep,” he whispered.

 

            “Again?” his brows drew together in a frown. “Has training been that ridiculous?” Cloud told him that he had been undergoing rigorous training lately in preparation for the SOLDIER exams.

 

            “Not really,” he shook his head. “Cloud’s been kinda zombie-like ever since he came back. I’m having to wake him up because he sleeps through his alarm now.”

 

            Zack’s expression was full of concern, “Wha…?!”

 

            “Yeah. He sleeps all the time now, but he doesn’t look well rested.”

 

            “That’s it!” Barging into the room, Zack stomped over to the figure hidden underneath the sheets. Sitting on the side of the bed, he yanked the sheets back and shook the sleeping boy. “Cloud! Hey!”

 

            A low groan could be heard, followed by feeble shifting on the bed.

 

            “Cloud!” he shook him violently. “CHOCOBO HEAD!” he yelled.

 

            Shooting up from his bed, Cloud’s blue eyes widened as far as they could go and formed a glare. “I swear to Gaia, Zack, stop calling me that!”

 

            “Hooray! The princess awakens!” he exclaimed with his hands raised in the air.

 

            Blinking at him for a quick moment, he finally registered that his friend was in his apartment. “Wait, Zack? What are you doing here?”

 

            Zack studied the blond’s features, now realizing what Jason meant earlier. Those bright blue eyes had dimmed down to a shade of blue that almost looked grey at certain angles. Dark circles were around them, as if he hadn’t slept in a week.  “I am checking up on you,” he finally said as he dropped his arms, “Are you okay?”

 

            Cloud huffed, “Yeah, I’m fine. I told you that already.”

 

            “You don’t look like it.”

 

            Rubbing his dry eyes, the blond sighed and shook his head. “Look, SOLDIER exams are coming up very soon and I need to get as much precious sleep as I possibly can before it’s too late, okay? Thanks for checking up on me, but I’m _fine_.”

 

            As soon as Cloud’s hand left his eyes, they were bloodshot red. Zack reached out to cup his face, but a pale hand smacked his wrist away. He withdrew in shock, but his eyes wandered to the thin arm. “Cloud, have you been eating?”

 

            “What, so _you’re_ my mother now? Let me sleep, okay?”

 

            His voice cracked after he mentioned his mother. This didn’t sound like Cloud at all. “Seriously man, what is wrong with you?”

 

            “Leave me alone!” the blond fell back onto the bed and yanked the sheets over his head. “Just… go away!”

 

            Speechless, Zack stared at Cloud’s covered body. Cloud’s never raised his voice at him… Was his anxiety high because of the exams? Zack recalled a lot of his buddies freaking out when that time came around. Cloud was nervous and projected his anxiety on Zack because he probably doesn’t have another form of stress relieving hobbies. “Before I go, let me say this: I think you’ll do fine on the SOLDIER exams. You have ambition, and you’re dedicated to your training schedule. Those are important parts of being a SOLDIER.” He laid a hand down on Cloud’s arm and felt him tense at the touch. Zack wanted to say much more to him, but figured it was best to leave him be until it was all over. Once Cloud passes, they can celebrate and put all of this behind them.

 

            Removing his hand and standing, he strode out the door, nodding to Jason before leaving the apartment.

 

            Cloud heard the door whoosh close behind Zack and felt the sting of tears forming in his tired eyes. He held his breath to prevent a sob from escaping his mouth. Drawing the sheet higher over his head, he buried his face in his pillow, wishing that he lived alone so he could scream as loud as he could without startling others.

 

            _If you touch me, I’ll break._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

           

            _Conflict resolved!_

 

            “Whoo!” Zack shouted while spinning his sword in the air before sheathing it on his back. This mission was way too easy!

 

            He pulled out his phone and called the Turks to send a helicopter at his location for pickup. While he waited, he checked his messages for any news about Cloud’s exam results. He saw the e-mails from Kunsel and Aerith, but nothing from Cloud. Huh. Maybe there were too many students this year to grade in time.

 

            Zack arrived back in HQ and headed towards the SOLDIER floor. There were several infantrymen loitering around and chatting away. Blue eyes scanned the small crowds for spiky blond hair. He thought leaving his friend alone until exams were over would give Cloud time to cool off. Then Cloud would be back to his old, cute self.

 

            “Hey, Zack!” a familiar voice shouted from behind him.

 

            Smiling, he turned around and placed his hands on his hips, puffing his chest, “See? I told you that you’d— oh…” his face went from amusement to boredom when he saw that the person who called his name was actually Jason. Relaxing his stance, he dropped his arms to the side and watched Jason approach him. Not that Cloud’s roommate was a bad kid; Zack just assumed Cloud would come running to him grinning from ear to ear about his results.

 

            “Gee, sorry to disappoint you,” Jason pursed his lips together at Zack’s reaction.

 

            “Sorry. I was expecting Cloud,” he surveyed the lounge area again. “Is he here?”

 

            “Ah, about that…”

 

            “Zack,” this time, the voice was deeper and held a tone of command.

 

            Tensing, Zack stared back at eerie green eyes. “S-Sephiroth!”

 

            At the mention of his name, the young infantrymen went quiet and gave their attention to the mighty General. Sephiroth caught their curious stares and sighed. “Come to La—” he shook his head, “the Director’s office immediately.” Without another word, he spun on his heels and walked away from the crowd, a little faster than his normal pace.

 

            The lounge was still quiet, only the sound of hushed whispers could be heard around the area. Zack excused himself and followed his superior.

 

            Once he arrived at the destination, he found Sephiroth sitting at Lazard’s desk. “Hey, what’s up?” he asked as he slowly walked up to him. “Did you find any clues about Angeal and Genesis?”

 

            A sigh, and, “No.”

 

            Frowning, he shifted his weight on one leg and crossed his arms over his chest. “O-kay… Then why did you make me come here?”

 

            “To be honest, I didn’t want to linger around a bunch of new SOLDIERs.” He tapped on the keyboard and the computer monitor whirred to life.

 

            “Huh?”

 

            “I don’t like crowds,” he merely elaborated before typing on the keyboard. Every year after the SOLDIER exam, Shinra forces him to greet the new recruits. Sephiroth hated it with a passion because the ones that weren’t intimidated by him would approach him and bombard him with a million questions about life as a SOLDIER and when they can go on missions with him. Their wide eyes full of hope and admiration of speaking to him made him feel— well— _uncomfortable_. He finally decided to type a generic letter expressing his congrats on passing the exams.

 

            Zack blinked back at the General, surprised to hear a tidbit about his personality. He remembered Angeal telling him one time that Sephiroth didn’t speak at an important conference because the wife of one of Shinra’s business partners touched his hair. It seemed childish to skip out on an important speech because someone pissed him off, but Sephiroth feared that he would hurt the woman if he saw her again. He _hated_ strangers touching him.

 

            Wait, did Sephiroth just use him as a way to escape?

 

            Zack didn’t know whether to feel flattered or in awe that Sephiroth, a man who can take down a summon, hated public speaking. “So… absolutely nothing regarding Angeal?” He decided to change the topic.

 

            Green eyes briefly glanced at the First then back to the screen. “Not yet. The Turks think they have a lead, but we will know soon.” Flipping through the papers on his desk, he ran his finger across a line, and went back to typing.

 

            The SOLDIER hung his head in defeat. It felt like as the months went by, Angeal became more and more strange. His mentor’s way of interacting with him consisted of random appearances around Midgar and vague clues about Genesis and Hollander. Could there be another way for Angeal to come back to Shinra without any fatal consequences?

 

            With an exasperated sigh, he uncrossed his arms and walked over to the table. Leaning against it, he pulled out his phone and checked to see if Cloud finally contacted him. When nothing came up, Zack initiated a conversation by e-mail. With all the infantrymen out in the SOLDIER lounge, Zack knew that exams were definitely over. He at least wanted to hear Cloud’s voice.

 

            Hey, wait…

 

            Glancing at Sephiroth, he said, “Seph? Do you know if the SOLDIER exam results are in?”

 

            Pausing in his typing, the General looked over the monitor at the First. “Yes. I’m actually entering the names of the students who passed. Why do you want to know?”

 

            Rushing over to the desk, he slammed his hands on it and loudly said, “Hold on! Look for Cloud’s name!”

 

            Sephiroth blinked at Zack’s sudden proximity and looked down at the pile of papers on his desk. “Can’t this wait until—”

 

            “Cloud Strife, assigned to D Unit. C.O. is First Class Timothy.”

 

            Silver eyebrows raised in surprise, and a small smile appeared on his face. “You’re just as bad as the fanclubs.”

 

            Zack looked away. “He’s my friend…” he scratched the back of his head, a blush forming on his cheeks.

 

            Amusement remained on his face as Sephiroth studied him for a few seconds before he checked the names already entered in the system. “Hmm, I’ve typed the results for Tim’s units, but I,” green eyes carefully examined the list of names, “do not see Cloud’s name.”

 

            “What?!” his eyes widened at his commander. “There has to be some mistake!”

 

            _I never make mistakes._ He gestured to a separate stack of papers. “Then take a look if you don’t feel confident in my typing abilities.”

 

            Zack did exactly that, shuffling through the pages until he finally found Tim’s paperwork. Blue eyes scanned for Cloud’s name until he discovered the red marks next to it.

 

            _Strength: Poor. Reaction Time: Poor. Number of Enemies Defeated: Zero. Ability to Follow Orders: Poor. Communication Skills: Poor. Overall Health: Poor._

_Conclusion: Failed._

 

            “This… can’t be!” He slammed the papers on the desk. “There’s no way Cloud would have failed!”

 

            “What makes you so sure?” Sephiroth moved the mouse and loaded the search engine.

 

            “Well, he’s stubborn, he’s kind, he’s ambitious, he’s—”

 

            He shook his head. “SOLDIER isn’t a dating program, Zack.”

 

            “THAT’S NOT WHAT I—” shutting his mouth, he grimaced at the green eyes glaring back at him. “Sorry,” he whispered, “Cloud has a lot of potential, is what I’m trying to say.”

 

            Sighing, Sephiroth typed Cloud’s name in the SOLDIER database and one result came up. He double-clicked on the name ‘Cloud Strife’ and the file appeared on the monitor. Spiky blond hair caught his eyes first, and Sephiroth almost laughed at how Zack befriended someone with equally unruly hair. Eyes bluer than Angeal and Genesis’s combined looked back at the camera. His soft features made Sephiroth silently question if he was actually fifteen years old. He looked so… _young_. “I’ve seen him before.”

 

            He blinked in confusion. “What?”

 

            “This friend of yours, I have seen him leave the training room,” Sephiroth would never forget spiky blond hair, “at odd times in the night.”

 

            “Huh?” Zack tilted his head to the side.

 

            “I retreat to the training room when I need to think. However, each time I arrived there, someone was already occupying it. That someone happened to be this Cloud Strife person.” The General was annoyed that someone else outside of his two friends had found his secret hideout. No matter what time he chooses to use the training room, thinking he could get there before Cloud, the boy always managed to beat him to it. However, his wait wasn’t long. Each time, Sephiroth watched the occupant stumble out of the room, breathing heavily and clutching a part of his body. One night, Sephiroth caught Cloud on the verge of unconsciousness and almost offered to help him back to his quarters. But he changed his mind as he silently watched the determined boy carry his injured self to his apartment. “I’m surprised the lower ranks have access beyond curfew. I need to have that changed.” Half of his reason was to keep the room for himself. The other was because Cloud technically broke curfew rules.

 

            Zack looked down at the paper trying to put the pieces together. A couple of weeks ago, Zack noticed the bruises and cuts all over Cloud’s body. He asked him if he was being bullied, but Cloud reassured him that the scars were from intensive training. After listening to Sephiroth’s statement, the blond had been using the training room for extra practice. _That’s why_ he was sleeping through his alarm as Jason mentioned. The kid probably wasn’t getting much sleep after going there in the wee hours of the morning. “Cloud overworked himself,” he said.

 

            “Probably.” Sephiroth scrolled down the pages. He froze as he read particular part, suddenly remembering the document he came across about a month ago. In place of Lazard’s absence, Sephiroth took over the duties as General _and_ Director of SOLDIER until Shinra found a replacement. One of those duties was to approve or reject leave requests. Cloud’s was in that stack. “I think I may have found something of interest.”

 

             Zack frowned. “What? What’s wrong?”

           

            “Cloud sent in a leave request about three or so weeks ago. The reason,” green eyes held his gaze, “was his sick mother.”

 

            The pieces of the puzzle were falling into place: Cloud’s shift in his mood, the outburst, avoiding social interaction, sleeping in, the late night training room sessions; Cloud was trying to keep his mind off of his sick mom by focusing on his exams, but it was more stress to add to his mental state. Unlike SOLDIERs, infantrymen can only get a maximum of one week off. Most of the time, those requests aren’t granted unless it’s a serious medical condition, or a family emergency. That probably wasn’t enough time for Cloud to take care of her until she fully recovered. He had to come back to Midgar and act like everything was fine when his mother needed his help. He had to choose between taking care of her, or continue his training as a potential SOLDIER. The pressure had to tear him apart; and that’s why he failed.

 

            All this time, the signs were right in front of Zack.

 

            His eyes widened. “I have to see Cloud.” Without waiting to hear Sephiroth’s response, he bolted out of the room. He needed to talk to him, be there for him.

 

            Cloud needed a friend.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

            Blinking at the metal ceiling, Cloud rubbed his eyes for the millionth time. They had been dry for the past few hours, and he joked to himself that he could now no longer cry. Nothing really mattered anymore, and there was no point in having feelings. He locked them deep somewhere inside of his heart. He didn’t need all of his emotions screaming at him anymore.

 

            His only source of sound was the buzzing noises of the computers. The science staff came to his bed a few times to check his vitals. They didn’t find anything too serious, just dehydration and exhaustion. He was given a boost of nutrients and electrolytes through IV therapy. They advised him to consume lots of nutritious foods and water once he is released tomorrow.

 

            _What do I do now?_

 

            After all those nights of sneaking into the training room for extra practice, and after all those hours spent in the library to learn more about materia, swords, and summons, he had completely wasted his time.

 

            When his C.O. blew the whistle, Cloud froze in place. He suddenly forgot all of his skills he had obtained over the few months. His classmates ran on ahead, attacking the low leveled monsters and working together on defeating the higher leveled ones. Cloud’s fear got the best of him and he fell to the ground on his hands and knees. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he barely even registered his name being called out by his C.O.

 

            “CLOUD! GET OUT THERE AND FIGHT!”

 

            Shaking, his eyes began to water, and the scene around him faded into white noise. The loud gunfire was now dulled down to faint tapping sounds. The world he lived in no longer existed. He took deep breaths, trying to calm the rapid pounding of his heart, but it was hard to breathe. His chest constricted; his heart pounded so hard in his ears that he mistook it for gunfire. Cloud suddenly felt nauseous and almost vomited the little breakfast he ate before the exam. Dry heaving numerous times, he slapped his hand over his mouth and clenched his eyes shut.

 

            “CLOUD! What’s wrong with you? Get up!”

 

            The voice was a mere echo. Wide blue eyes slowly looked up at his superior standing over him with his arms crossed. Cloud dropped his hand and opened his mouth to speak, but a wave of exhaustion hit him, as if he climbed Shinra HQ forty times without a break.

 

            As his face pressed against the dirt, the last thing he saw was the look of disappointment on his C.O.’s face. His vision blurred before darkness overtook him.

 

            Cloud woke up in the infirmary and immediately knew that he failed his exam.

 

            Clenching the thin white sheets on the bed, he gritted his teeth and suppressed the sob that tried to escape. He almost wanted to laugh at how his emotions quickly appeared when he thought he locked them away. _I won’t cry. I won’t fucking cry anymore._

            A warm hand covered his hand that connected to the IV tube. Cloud already knew who it was without having to turn his head. He blinked back the sting of tears, the metal ceiling becoming blurry. Nostrils flared, he swallowed another whimper and let out a shaky breath.

 

            All it took was one word.

 

            “Cloud.”

 

            His resolve crumbled in seconds, and loud wailing erupted from his mouth. “I failed my mother!”

 

            Arms pulled him up into a sitting position so he could be embraced. Cloud cried as hard as he could, clinging to the SOLDIER uniform, sad that he won’t be able to wear it as a symbol of his lifelong dream. “My mother’s dying wish was for me to achieve my dream of becoming a SOLDIER!”

 

            Zack stopped stroking blond locks. “Dying? You mean…”

 

            “She’s dead! And I couldn’t save her!” Cloud’s hands curled into fists. “She had been sick for months now and I chose to ignore it!” Her letters left hints that she wanted him to come back home. Cloud dismissed them as a mother missing her son and wrote back to her how he’s so close to examination period. He wasn’t aware of her illness becoming terminal until the last letter she sent him only asked him to come home immediately. “When I returned home, I barely had time to speak to her! Because of my stupidity, I chose my dream over my own _mother_!” he hit Zack’s chest. “And look where it got me! I lost both! I’m a failure!”

 

            “You’re not a failure, Cloud. Stop beating yourself up,” he held his friend as tightly as he could. “I’m so sorry.”

 

            “It’s all…my… fault…” his hands fell into his lap.

 

            Zack swallowed the lump in his throat, trying not to cry himself. He didn’t know what he would do if he lost one, or both, of his parents. They gave him most of their savings so he could travel to Midgar and become a SOLDIER, like Sephiroth. Compared to Cloud, Zack is extremely lucky to be where he is today. “It’s not your fault,” he moved back and grasped Cloud’s chin to lift his head and meet his gaze. His friend’s eyes were red from all the crying. The blush on his tear-stained cheeks was the only color on his pale face. Snot trailed down to his upper lip. Despite Cloud looking a mess, he was still adorable in his own way. Zack planted a light kiss on his forehead and asked in a low voice, “Why didn’t you say anything to your C.O.? You would have gotten two weeks off and taken the exams in the next six months.”

 

            Cloud shook his head and wiped his eyes. Zack released his chin, and the blond used the sleeve of his infantry uniform to wipe his nose. He kept forgetting that the IV drip was in his dominant hand so he had to remember that he needed to temporarily use his other one. “I didn’t want to believe it,” he looked off to the side, “She died right in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do. I just… decided that once she was buried, I would go back to Midgar and focus on passing my exams. I thought, maybe I could do _something_ right since I couldn’t save my mom.”

 

            “You needed a grieving period,” he placed his hands on thin shoulders, “You failed your exam because you didn’t take care of yourself first.”

 

            Turning his head to regard him, Cloud said, “But—”

 

            “No, Cloud,” he interrupted, “You look sick. You’re thinner and paler than when I first met you. You’ve been sleeping late; and I was just now informed about your late night training,” he disregarded the wide eyed look. “You ignored your body’s needs because you were focused on passing. This is why you’re here instead of in the lounge with the others.”

 

            “You don’t understand, Zack!” the young blond pushed the hands away. “I couldn’t afford to miss my exams! I had to be there or else my efforts would have been for nothing if I waited another six months!”

 

            “First of all, what’s the rush? If you waited and took time off, you wouldn’t have gotten red marks on your permanent record. It looks bad if you already have something negative on file when you become a SOLDIER. Promotions take a _lot_ longer for people with failed missions, or negative comments.”

 

            “I was fine until I began my exams! As soon as that whistle blew, I completely forgot everything I learned and passed the fuck,” he slapped his hand on the bed, “out like the loser I am!” Cloud felt the tears run down his cheeks again and he angrily sighed and rubbed his eyes.

 

            “Cloud,” Zack drew him back into his arms, “you were stressed out,” he soothed. “Stress often leads to anxiety, and anxiety leads to poor performance. You’re not a loser for having a totally human reaction.”

 

            “I wanted to be like you, and Sephiroth,” he sobbed. “Both of you are brave and strong— everything that SOLDIER is about. I will never be at your level.”

 

            “Don’t compare yourself to other people, especially Sephiroth. He’s in a league of his own.” Zack thought back to the silver General taking down Ifrit without breaking a sweat. “Focus on _your_ strengths and weaknesses, and you will see how cool you are without having our names.” He stroked soft blond hair and rested his cheek in it. Zack caught a faint whiff of honey, and wondered what brand of shampoo actually uses honey.

 

            Cloud sat up, fully aware of their kissing distance. Blushing and staring at the computer monitor, he said, “What, you mean to tell me that you have weaknesses? I thought SOLDIER Firsts don’t have those anymore.”

 

            “If it makes you feel any better, I barely passed my SOLDIER exam.”

 

            He gave him an incredulous expression. “Really? You? You made it to First Class in record time.”

 

            “Yeah, so, I wasn’t great on following orders and talking to my teammates. I did my own thing and got in a lot of trouble for that. But I redeemed myself when we encountered a random behemoth in the field and I took it down before it killed one of my teammates. My C.O. told me that if I didn’t save that person, unlike everyone else who panicked and ran, I would have failed. Over time, I worked on improving those two weaknesses of mine.” Angeal taught him the importance of patience and honor, among other things. Zack never really understood the meaning of those two subjects. But with his mentor not around anymore, and Zack reflected back on his emotionally draining missions, he began to realize the significance of those boring lectures. Hell, even Sephiroth got one from Angeal, and nobody had the balls to give the General a speech. “What I’m saying is, don’t assume all SOLDIERs are perfect. Don’t beat yourself up because of your anxiety. SOLDIER is tough, and there will be times where you need to step back and take a breather. There will be times where you did the best you could, but in the end, it still wasn’t enough. All you can do is accept it and move on.”

 

            Cloud lowered his head and stared at the bunched sheets pooled in his lap.

 

            “I know it will take a long time to get over your mom’s death— or really, you may never will. But don’t make it seem like it was your fault that she died. I bet you that she didn’t want you to worry because SOLDIER means so much to you,” he gave him a reassuring smile. “She doesn’t want you to throw it all away because one thing didn’t go as you had planned. Don’t give up, okay?”

 

            The blond nodded, his bottom lip trembling. This time he hid his face in his hands, embarrassed that he ugly-cried in front of his friend.

 

            “And come to me when something is bothering you. I’m your friend, remember?” He pulled Cloud’s hands away from his face and quickly kissed chapped lips. He didn’t understand it himself, but he really wanted to kiss Cloud. He wasn’t disappointed by his friend’s reaction.

 

            “Gaia! Zaaaack!” Cloud covered his mouth and felt his blush appear in record time.

 

            The raven haired First laughed. “I can’t help it! You’re so cute and sad and pitiful and I wanted to make you feel better!”

 

            “That was,” he dropped his hand, “my _first kiss_!”

 

            “Hold on! There were no cute girls back in your hometown?”

 

            He glanced at the bed. “There was one…”

 

            “And?”

 

            “She probably forgot about me. Can we not talk about my pathetic love life while I’m depressed?”

 

            “Fine, fine!” He couldn’t help but be proud that he was Cloud’s first. He thought about making a sexual joke, but kept his mouth shut. Now was not the time to tease him. “So when do you get discharged?”

 

            “Tomorrow.”

 

            “Hmm,” Zack placed his hand on his chin, “I’m gonna treat you to dinner!” he exclaimed as he snapped his finger.

 

            “You don’t have to…” Cloud scratched his cheek.

 

            “I _must_. You need a greasy, heart clogging meal to put some muscle back in your body!” he emphasized his point by squeezing the blond’s thin arm. “Good grief, if I sneeze too hard, you’d probably fly away.”

 

            Cloud’s eyes narrowed. “Look, Gongaga boy, fatty food will make me _fat._ Two, I’m not that skinny.”

 

            “Can you even gain weight?”

 

            “Dunno. I’ve been skinny all of my life.”

 

            “I’ll have to put you on a high protein diet while you’re training,” he smiled, “with me.”

 

            Taken aback by the statement, Cloud opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to digest what he just heard. “ _You_ train _me_?” Can Firsts do that for non-SOLDIERs?

 

            “Yup,” he ruffled spiky blond hair. He had been thinking about it for a while now, but his busy schedule never allowed him the chance to talk to Cloud about his idea. “It will be just enough for you to pass the exams. And when you do become SOLDIER, I’ll give it to ya good!”

 

            He snorted. “What, like squat contests and burger eating challenges?”

 

            “Hey, that honestly doesn’t sound like a bad idea!”

 

            “Zaaaaack! Take this seriously, please?”

 

            “Alright, alright.” Glancing at the clock, his smile faltered a little. “I should get back to work.” He stood and stretched his arms high above his head while groaning. “Send me a message after you’re discharged, okay?”

 

            Cloud nodded, a small smile appearing on his face.

 

            _Oh gods, he’s so cute and innocent and it’s time to leave before I do something inappropriate._ Without another word, he turned around and walked towards the door.

 

            “Zack?”

 

            “Hm?” he looked back at him.

 

            “Thanks.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

            Cloud didn’t hear back from Zack for the next week after he was discharged from the medical ward. Zack informed him that he was called in for a big mission and probably wouldn’t have time to message him. The blond figured he would be okay with waiting on Zack for a mere week, but nervousness crept up his spine. He knew Zack was capable of handling whatever came his way. So why did he sense something was off?

 

            About two hours past curfew, Cloud snuck off to the training room. He promised Zack that he wouldn’t participate in late night training anymore. Though, if asked, Cloud’s excuse would be that he needed extra exercise for better sleep. It wasn’t exactly a lie, nor was it the full truth. And it’s not like he was doing drugs or hanging with the wrong crowd.

 

            The sound of whispers from around the corner caused him to freeze in place. He jumped behind a corner and slowly peeked from around the wall to see if the people were coming this way. He spotted two shadows walking, and the figures stopped several feet from his location. Cloud let out a sigh of relief when he saw Zack speaking to someone.

 

            Who happened to be Sephiroth.

 

            He wanted to faint. This was the closest he had ever been to the General. After being here for almost a year and not once seeing the man, Cloud almost wondered if Sephiroth was a fictional character Shinra made up to recruit people. But seeing him in his mighty presence, shaking his head at Zack and responding to whatever his friend was talking about, made Cloud wish he had a camera. He left his phone back in his apartment, and even if he had it on him, the bright flash would expose his hiding spot. Therefore, it was best to stare as long as possible without blinking.

 

            Sephiroth lifted a hand in a departing gesture and walked in the other direction, Zack watched him leave and let out a heavy sigh. He rubbed his eyes and sniffed, muttering something underneath his breath.

            Zack took slow steps towards Cloud’s hiding spot as he checked his phone. The blond began to panic and debated if he should appear now and suffer Zack’s anger, or hold his breath and pray that his friend wouldn’t notice him.

 

            His excitement on seeing Zack again helped him decide, and Cloud stepped from around the corner. He waited for his friend to notice him.

 

            Zack lifted his head a few seconds later and stopped his pace. Flipping his phone shut and pocketing it, he didn’t say anything, or give Cloud his brilliant smile. His expression remained blank. The young blond was close enough to see the dark circles around his friend’s eyes. Concerned, Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but Zack cut him off by pulling him into a hug. The infantryman’s arms slowly raised and wrapped around Zack’s waist.

 

            “Can you,” Zack began as he stood back, “stay at my place tonight?”

 

            Cloud wanted to refuse, but the somber expression he never thought Zack could make worried him. “Of course.”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

            The next morning, the two friends sat on Zack’s couch, each holding a steaming cup of coffee. Neither one of them could look at each other in the face.

 

            Last night, Cloud found an emotional Zack curled up on the floor of his shower. He cried that he finally understood what it felt like to lose someone important. Cloud asked him what happened on his mission, but Zack only shook his head and laughed.

 

            The blond didn’t know what to say, until he thought of Zack’s words to him when he was in the medical ward. Repeating his friend’s advice, he felt guilty about the verbal plagiarism, but it made Zack smile.

 

            Then Zack stood, and Cloud was very much aware that he was staring at his naked friend. Looking off to the side at nothing in particular, he excused himself and made to leave the bathroom until a hand gripped his wrist.

 

            _I need you._

 

            “Cloud? Cloud, did you hear what I just said?”

 

            Jumping from his name and almost spilling coffee on himself, he set the mug down on the coffee table. “W-what?”

 

            Zack sighed, “I said that I will cover for you because you should be in class right now.”

 

            Bright blue eyes glanced at the clock. “Oh.”

 

            Zack opened his mouth and closed it. Shaking his head, he placed the mug down next to Cloud’s and stood. “We need to head out.”

 

            “Yeah…”

 

            Zack was grateful that Cloud’s uniform covered the hickies.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

            They didn’t see each other again until in Junon a month later. Zack spotted Cloud hunched over in the corner because of his motion sickness from the helicopter ride. Unfortunately, their meeting was short-lived when Zack needed to follow after Hollander. He promised Cloud that he would talk to him when their mission was over.

 

            Luckily for Cloud, Zack kept his promise.

 

            They were in Zack’s apartment for more privacy. The SOLDIER reassured Cloud that he wouldn’t try anything inappropriate again. They sat in silence for a while, not sure where to begin their talk.

 

            “Hey,” Zack began, “Sorry for disappearing on you. Shinra kinda transported me on the spot, and my phone was taken from me.”

 

            Cloud smiled, “That’s okay. It gave me enough time to think.”

 

            “Same,” he agreed with a nod.

 

            “I know you brought me here to talk about it,” Cloud blushed.

           

            “Listen,” he shifted in his seat, “what I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that.”

 

            The infantryman jerked his head up in surprise. “Wait, _you_ took advantage of _me_? I felt like it was the other way around…” he scratched the back of his head.

 

            “I initiated it.”

 

            “And I continued it.”

 

            “Yeah, and if you didn’t, I would have guilt-tripped you into sleeping with me anyway. That makes me a manipulative ass. I wasn’t thinking that night and I’m sorry.”

 

            Cloud ran his hands through his hair and sighed, “Neither of us were. I’m sorry too.”

 

            “So why _did_ we do it?” Zack pulled his knees to his chest and rested his cheek on them.

 

            “I think,” he chewed on the corner of his lip, trying to find the right words, “we were seeking solace after losing someone dear to us. Some people want to grieve in silence, or drink to forget. I think we had sex because it made us feel good,” he couldn’t help the blush forming on his cheeks, thinking about what Zack said to him that night. “You were really clingy.”

 

            Zack lifted his head with a mock glare, “Watch it, Nibelheim, or I’ll make jokes about you being a screamer.” Cloud immediately threw the pillow he was holding at his friend. The SOLDIER caught it with ease and grinned at the bright blush on Cloud’s cheeks. He laid the pillow between them. “Anyway, I’m still sorry for stealing your virginity and—”

 

            “I don’t regret having sex with you, Zack,” he interrupted with a smile.

 

            “You… don’t?”

 

            Cloud ducked his head and put the back of his hand over his mouth for a moment. He had a crush on Zack ever since they first met. At first, Cloud thought it was a way to suppress his bigger crush over Sephiroth. He felt bad about liking Zack for that sole reason, but once he got to know him more, he began to realize that it was genuine. Though, they took things the non-traditional route, Cloud was grateful that he lost his virginity to someone who wouldn’t use it as another count in his black book. “You were great to me,” his hand slid away from his mouth, “and I hope that our night together helped you remember that you are human.”

 

            Raven eyebrows drew together in confusion, “What? Oh…” he rubbed his forehead. That night, he said some cheesy poetic shit that rivaled those Loveless quotes Genesis liked to say. One of them was asking if he were human enough to make Cloud feel safe in his arms. “I’m glad then,” his head tilted back until it bumped against the back of the couch. “I don’t regret it either.”

 

            Cloud had to ask what was on his mind during their month hiatus, “Do you want to… start over?”

 

            He looked at him with a curious expression.

 

            “I mean, do you want to start over being friends and forget about that night?” he held his breath while waiting for a response. He hoped to Gaia that they can still be friends despite what happened. He really didn’t want to lose Zack.

 

            Zack gave him a soft smile. “How about we start over and see where our friendship takes us?”

 

            Exhaling loudly, Cloud swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. “Huh?” Did Zack imply that he’d like to take things further into a _romantic_ relationship?

 

            “I really like you, and I want to do this the old fashioned way. If you’re okay with it.”

 

            “Y-Yeah!” the blond exclaimed, a little too eagerly. “I’d like that a lot.”

 

            The SOLDIER responded with a toothy grin. Cloud is so fucking cute and really great to talk to! Zack felt the chemistry between them, and sensed that their relationship can go in so many positive directions.

 

_Maybe later I can also become Cloud’s mentor, like Angeal was to me._

           

             Upon thinking about Angeal, Zack’s expression went blank and he turned his head back to look at the ceiling. “This feeling really sucks.”

 

            “What does?” Cloud asked, confused by the sudden change of topic.

 

            “The feelings after witnessing death. It’s like, that person you loved so dearly slips from your fingers, and all you can do is watch. There’s no magic, summon, or item that can bring him back. You have to just… _accept_ it.” Zack tried his hardest to convince him to find another way, but Angeal desired to end his suffering of causing harm towards others. He used Zack as his grim reaper, and the young SOLDIER wasn’t sure if he could forgive him.

 

            “Yeah…” Cloud brought his legs up on the couch and sat cross legged in his spot. “But I think it’s important that we remember what that person taught us. We should keep a part of them in our hearts so we will never forget them, even when decades have passed.” His mother’s face came to mind and he smiled.

 

            Turning his head to the side, Zack said, “What? Like a living legacy thing?”

 

            “Mm, yeah,” he nodded.

 

            Silence fell around them. Zack smacked his hands over his face and let out a noise between a sigh and a grunt. Moving his hands away, he stood and stretched his arms over his head. “Okay, enough of that morbid stuff!” he turned to look at Cloud. “I owe you training lessons!”

 

            The blond slumped in his seat. “It’s my only day of rest in like three months and this is how you want me to spend it?”

 

            “Yeah because I found out this morning that tomorrow we’re gonna be on a mission together with Sephiroth.”

 

            Cloud opened his mouth, but the only sound that came out was a scream. “S-S-Seph-i-ro—Oh my Gaia I’m going to die of a heart attack before I even get to meet him!” He emphasized his point by falling sideways on the couch. He’s going on a mission with _Sephiroth_! Is this a reward from all the crap that had happened to him since his mom died? If that’s the case, then thank the gods for divine rewards!

 

            “It gets better,” Zack put his hands on his hips. “Guess where we’re going?”

 

            Cloud angled his head to regard him. “I dunno… where?”

 

            “Nibelheim!”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This story was inspired by my own experiences. I honestly thought about making this a multi-chaptered fic, but I don't trust myself with those.... I'm working on another one, but I'm so slow. Anyways, thanks for reading!


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